half of me is like ‘lets get a billion tattoos and wear killer heels and sharp eyeliner and red lipstick and leather jackets and dye my hair super bright colors’
and the other half is ‘lets wear pastel dresses and cardigans and ballet flats and play ukulele and wear cute jewelry’
and i think that pretty much sums up my entire existence
I’ve decided to do both. Both is good.
I know I complain about this often, but it hurts more than anything knowing that the man I love is hated by my family because of his skin color. It hurts knowing my parents will not support me, and will in fact abandon me, should they find out about my relationship with him. We have been madly in love for years now, and he makes me so incredibly happy, but all they would see is that I am abandoning my culture and family for a man.
The truth of the matter is that I didn’t believe soulmates existed until I met him. We motivate and support each other. During our relationship, not once have we gone a single day without talking to each other. Our fights have never lasted more than a day. We really are falling more and more in love with each other, and in fact, plan on getting married when the time is right.
I asked my mother today if she ever wished or prayed Michael and I would break up. She said the thought never even crossed her mind. She would not want to hurt anyone like that. Her saying that gives me a bit of hope. Maybe she does understand how much we love each other. But I suppose only time will tell.
I’ve managed to stall my parents talking about looking for guys for me by telling them an astrologer in India told me if I got married at a young age, I would surely get divorced (he really did say that and my parents believe in that kind of stuff. In fact, some of the stuff he told me was pretty crazy. He had never met me, yet knew about Michael. He even asked me if I had stopped smoking cigarettes yet!!). I don’t know how long I can stall them. I feel trapped.
I wish there was someone I could talk to about this. I wish someone really understood how difficult it is to keep the person you love a complete secret. It seems as though by falling in love, I’ve committed the biggest sin imaginable, one so unforgivable I could lose my family over. I wish that weren’t the case more than anything in the world…